We are encouraged to know ourselves by defining who we are. This is misguided because the definition of who we are is tied into knowing the truth of how we are. So first, set out to know how you are.
Some good clues to how you are will be evident in how you react to others. The weakness of others might really anger you, and there is an answer to the question of how you are. Prejudice is born of self-hate. Examine what you hate most about the people you despise, and then examine yourself closely.
Let go of your shortcomings
Your mistakes are proof that you are alive and making progress. The older we get, the harder it is to forgive ourselves for being imperfect. Children learn to beat themselves up over their failure by watching us strive to be perfect. We need to model humanity for our children by accepting and forgiving our shortcomings when they arise.
Learning forgiveness changed my life
This work is very hard and emotionally draining at times. The most difficult thing about my job is the constant assessment of my personal behavior and, as a result, constantly seeing my shortcomings. The greatest danger comes when we lose sight of our humanity and deny our weaknesses.
In the fifth year of doing this work, I told a child to shut up. It was a major breach of self-control and I was devastated. I wrote a letter of resignation and prepared to quit this work for good. Because I had expected myself to be perfect, I was shocked when I fell short.
My instructor is a very wise and gifted man. He refused to let me quit and called me arrogant and proud. I was shocked and offended. I thought that of all the things I was, arrogant was not one of them. My life had been dedicated to serving others through the martial arts. I made less than ten thousand dollars a year and slept on the floor of the martial arts school. How could I be proud and arrogant if I were so giving of myself to other people? His answer changed my life.
“Your success is written on the face of every child you teach. You can’t see that because you are focused on your one tiny mistake.” Wow! The power of that observation allowed me to forgive myself and accept my failure for what it was. My instructor had turned me around so that I could see where I had come from instead of focusing on where I had not yet gone.
