Respect is widely used when talking about issues that confront our self-esteem. Human beings have a basic need to be accepted by the rest of humanity. When rejected by a friend, a lover, a child, or even a stranger, we feel attacked in the center of our being.
Recognizing that disrespect is a form of rejection allows us to isolate our emotion from the reality of the action or words of the person who has shown us disrespect. By doing so, we will then be able to communicate our needs and wants to that person in order to determine whether or not their action or words were really meant to reject us. This is an important skill to teach a child who is easily angered by the words or actions of his or her peers at school, or siblings at home.
A child can be taught to control their emotions by using deep and slow breaths, focusing techniques, and other physical and mental tools described in this book. When a child complains that they feel disliked and unwanted by friends at school or by brothers and sisters at home, then the child can be encouraged to talk to the other child or children about what has happened without the use of emotional language.
Showing respect to parents and teachers
If a parent is to feel respected by their child, that child must apply three skills with consistency. The first skill is attention, which consists of eye contact, body control, and mental focus. The second skill a child must apply in order for the parent to feel respected, is doing what the parent tells the child to do. The last skill a child must apply is completion of his or her own work. This means keeping their room clean, their body, hair and teeth clean, preparing for and going to bed on time, etc.
Teachers will feel respected when the child applies the same set of rules in the classroom. Focusing on the teacher during lessons, following the rules of the class, and doing their class and homework. Because teachers and parents may not always be consistently modeling respectful language and behavior for the child to follow, training the child with these three skills will allow them to consistently apply respect, and the result may be that the adult no longer feels stress from the relationship with the child. It is sometimes this stress that triggers the adult’s negative response to the behavior of the child, causing the child to be exposed to inappropriate language and behavior.
Matt Pasquinilli is the Executive Director of the non-profit Asian Arts Center Taekwondo School in Dayton, Ohio.
